


No Humor to Give Consequence

by AMarguerite



Series: A Monstrous Regiment [6]
Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-14 06:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18047204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMarguerite/pseuds/AMarguerite
Summary: For the prompt, "Wollenstonecraft the Dragon finds out that Darcy was rude to Lizzie. She is displeased( I love that frigging dragon)."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Powderpuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powderpuff/gifts).



There was to be a ball at Netherfield Park, the largest house in the neighborhood. Wollstonecraft was in favor of the ball simply because the man renting Netherfield, Mr. Bingley, needed a great many things fetched and carried from London, and he was willing to pay for Wollstonecraft to do it. The village of Meryton had its own dragon courier business, and Wollstonecraft had decided to hire out her services through it while Lizzy and Charlotte were playing at being young ladies, and the rest of Wollstonecraft's crew were scattered to the corners of England, to visit with _their_ families. It was a good way to keep from being bored and, any road, Wollstonecraft had to be seen flying on her own while in Hertfordshire. It would be disastrous for anyone to know Captain Bennet and Miss Bennet were the same person, or that Lieutenant Lucas and Miss Lucas were the same person.

Wollstonecraft did not quite understand why. Both Lizzy and Charlotte had endeavored to explain it multiple times, but it was an argument founded in that human strain of logic that was not logic at all, but completely arbitrary traditions. Still, Wollstonecraft did her best to respect human traditions. It was not the fault of humans that they were such weak, disorderly, and illogical creatures, or so easily injured or made upset.  

When Wollstonecraft came back to the pavilion out of which the couriers ran their business, all the little courier dragons— a motley collection of Greylings and Winchesters— came clambering up to her. How many boxes of wax candles had she brought from London? Was it true she had brought instruments for a full orchestra? Was the ballroom decorated yet?

The bravest Winchester, Watford, asked, “Do you think that the humans would mind very much if we watched them dance? We would not go into the ballroom or get very close. Indeed, I carried some of the glass panes from London to Netherfield, when it was being rebuilt after the invasion, so I know there are windows from the floor to the ceiling in the ballroom. We would be able to see in from the garden.”

“Humans are very delicate creatures, easily overset,” Wollstonecraft cautioned him. “You would have to be very sure that they could not see you. Otherwise they are apt to startle.”

Gloria, a pretty little Greyling, chirped, “We shall be very careful! They do not notice us when we watch the Meryton Assemblies, and even then we must take turns looking in, for the humans all dance on the second floor, and the windows are very small.”

The dragons all agreed that it was great fun to watch the humans at a ball. It was so different from watching humans walk about in the straggling and disorderly way they usually did.

“I think a ball is a sort of mating dance,” opined the largest Winchester, Brinsley. She cocked her head to the side. “Only, I think the dams of Meryton are very picky, or the sires are very bad, for very few people mate successfully once a ball is over.”

“It is more like formation flying,” said Wollstonecraft. “The humans move about together to encourage a sense of camaraderie, in case they must give battle later on. All the officers in Portugal were constantly having balls, when they were not hunting. But, to return to an earlier point, it is very nice to watch the humans all move about in such orderly patterns. Normally they are lackadaisical when they are in packs. Well,” she amended, thinking of the regiment of infantry that she now completely regarded as her own, “not in the army. They have some sense of order, even if they must be yelled into their lines and squares at times.”

“And the humans rig themselves out so nicely for balls,” added Gloria.

“Oh yes, will your captain rig herself out?” asked Watford.

“Yes,” said Wollstonecraft, very proud. “She will, and will be very splendid, I assure you. She said she will come by after the ball.”

The day of the ball, Wollstonecraft decided against going with the couriers, for she felt it rather beneath her dignity to skulk about in the gardens, spying through windows on the humans. Besides, Lizzy would come to her, and tell her everything that happened. Wollstonecraft took advantage of the other dragons being away and sprawled out to her full extent, wings unfurled and limbs akimbo.

It was a posture Wollstonecraft would never adopt when any impressionable young dragon was present, for Wollstonecraft felt it her duty to set a good example of military bearing and propriety, but when there was no one to see her... well, why should she not be comfortable? Wollstonecraft slept contentedly in this position, and woke to the best sound in the world: Lizzy calling out, “Wollstonecraft! Dearest!”

Wollstonecraft opened one eye, to see Lizzy approaching, in the gray pre-dawn. Lizzy had on her boatcloak, and held up a lantern. Her head was uncovered, save for a gold diadem with some very pretty filigree work— a piece of jewelry Wollstonecraft had sized as a prize from some French ladies during the invasion. It looked much better on Lizzy than on its original owner. Wollstonecraft gazed upon it with satisfaction... though she did wish there were some jewels in it. Gold was all very well and good, and showed that Lizzy had plenty of treasure, and skill enough to get it and to keep it, but jewels really displayed one’s prowess. And they sparkled so much more nicely.

“Are you awake, my dear?” Lizzy asked.

“Yes,” said Wollstonecraft, raising her head. “I was only thinking that you ought to wear jewels in your hair, Lizzy.”

“I think I would have trouble dancing if I did,” replied Lizzy, with a faint smile. “They would all fall out of my hair when I had to jump or turn, and then I would put a foot on the fallen jewels and fall down, disgracing myself and probably breaking my ankle.”

Wollstonecraft conceded the point. “Let me see the rest of your ball rig, Lizzy. Antiope said Captain Crawford ordered it for you, from her own modiste.”

Lizzy set down the lantern and then unclasped her boatcloak. “Ta da.” She held her arms out, to display a gold undergown, and a diaphanous white over-gown of crepe, with short sleeves and a high waist.  Lizzy also had on very long gloves, up past her elbows, as well as pearl earrings and a pearl necklace. She looked magnificent— quite tidy and orderly and very obviously successful... though, again, Wollstonecraft thought Lizzy would look better with jewels, and perhaps her medals as well.

“Even if you were worried about the jewels falling off your neck,” said Wollstonecraft, when Lizzy looked as if she was trying not to laugh, “your medals would not fall, for they are pinned on, and when you wear them into battle they do not get into your way. _Or_ , no— I think, Lizzy, when you get back to London you should tell Captain Crawford’s modiste that you need a new overdress. How magnificent you would look in an overdress of gold net, with jewels _and_ your medals pinned to it!”

Lizzy laughed, but it sounded hollow to Wollstonecraft’s ear. “I did wish I had my medals, Wollstonecraft.”

“Why?” A terrible suspicious occurred. “You did not meet with any Frenchmen?”

Lizzy impatiently tossed her boatcloak over the desk where the human clerk counted out payments and wrote receipts. “I wish I had, then I might have proved my worth to the company.”

“It is the lack of jewels,” said Wollstonecraft. “You must show me your gowns before balls, Lizzy. I can spot these things for you in advance.”

“Oh you are the dearest creature,” said Lizzy, opening her arms.

Wollstonecraft very carefully lowered her head, so that Lizzy could hug her snout. Lizzy did so, and sighed. “I don’t think it was my rig, Wollstonecraft. I was dressed more finely than any of my sisters, which had me in a quake at first, til I got in the ballroom and saw that the host’s sisters had gowns like mine. This is the new style, apparently, the overgrown of crepe, over a colored slip. And most women there had on pearls so I think I was right there, but….” She hugged Wollstonecraft’s snout tightly. “But I do not think I am very good at being a lady.”

Wollstonecraft let out a low, discontented rumble.

Lizzy said, in a brash, overbright voice, “I really thought I was doing so well! I watched Jane and made sure that I walked like her, and talked in the same tones she did. _And_ I spent all week learning dances, and how to move in my skirts gracefully. But I— oh, the most abominable thing!”

“What, did no one dance with you?” Wollstonecraft demanded, quite offended. How dare they! Lizzy was a division captain! Who could possibly outrank her? Every person in that ballroom ought to be crowding about Lizzy, begging for the honor of a dance. Why, even if Lizzy hadn’t been a division captain, she could easily defeat any female human in a field of battle, which would put her at the top of any draconic hierarchy.

“It was hardly as dire as _that_ ,” said Lizzy, pulling away with a laugh. “I did dance half the evening _._ No, it is really rather silly, and I am very foolish to be upset by it. I danced one dance with this gentleman, Mr. Darcy, and… well, it was a bad dance, but I really do not think it was my fault it was bad. I recalled nearly all the steps, and corrected my course very quickly when I found myself in the wrong position.” Lizzy performed a sprightly turn, her skirts swirling prettily. “I held up my end of the conversation, too, and tried all number of topics, but he had hardly anything to say in reply. I do not think it was because I picked bad topics, for I asked Jane about them afterwards and she said they were neither dull nor offensive.”

“I suppose him to be a very stupid man, then,” said Wollstonecraft, “for you can easily converse with anybody. I myself am not loquacious by nature and yet we are always talking.”

Lizzy pulled out the chair from the clerk’s desk, and turned it so that she could sit while facing Wollstonecraft. “No, no, everyone says Mr. Darcy is very intelligent, and I suppose he must be, for my father says he is, and my father is a very severe critic when it comes to the intellect of others. He would never give anyone the benefit of the doubt on that head.”

“Hm,” said Wollstonecraft, who did not have a high opinion of the intelligence of any human... her captain and her first lieutenant excepted.

Lizzy folded her arms across her chest and stretched her legs out in front of her. “Mr. Darcy was at least intelligent enough to realize I did not belong there. When I was sitting down for want of a partner, the host, Mr. Bingley, tried to get him to dance with me.”

“And he… would not?”

This defied reason. Why would anyone refuse to dance with Lizzy? She was so precise during formation work.

Lizzy studied the satin toes of her dancing slippers. “No, he could not. In fact, he told Mr. Bingley, ‘I tolerated her for your sake once, but she is not handsome enough to tempt me twice. You are dancing with the only Bennet girl worth looking at, or talking to, and I am in no humor to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.’” She forced a smile and tapped her temple with a gloved finger. “It is graven upon my memory.”

“Well, I like that,” said Wollstonecraft, bristling. “Not handsome enough to tempt him! Why, you are one of the handsomest women in the Aerial Corps! Everyone says so.”

“Yes, dear,” said Lizzy wryly, “but there are not very many women in the corps. And we none of us are pretty as society ladies, who are all pale and soft and unscarred… and who do not move as if they were about to engage someone in a fencing bout.”

“And not worth talking too— what an offense to reason! _He_ was the one not worth talking to. You tried to talk with him and he would not answer.” Wollstonecraft clawed at the floor of the porters’ pavilion, too angry to be still. “I think your father is wrong. Mr. Darcy strikes me as a very idiotic person if he thinks you are not worth looking at or talking to. And to say that in public, where you could very well hear him! He cannot be an intelligent man.”

Lizzy laughed, more genuinely this time. “I am so pleased to have you my partisan.”

“And,” added Wollstonecraft, as a clincher, “as further proof of his stupidity— you and I are the backbone of one of only four existent formations. How can anyone with so interesting a life, who played so vital a role in the history of our nation not be worth _talking to?_  What did _he_ do during the invasion?”

“Stay at home, in his estate in Derbyshire, I believe,” said Lizzy. “I did console myself with the fact that Mr. Darcy would not be standing about in ballrooms declaring I was plain and unpleasant without me, and my service.”

“He would not,” agreed Wollstonecraft.

“Thank you, dearest,” said Lizzy, getting up and kissing Wollstonecraft on the nose. “Will you fly me back to Longbourn?”

Wollstonecraft did, but was fuming all the rest of the day. How could anyone fail to see that Lizzy was the best person in all of England? Wollstonecraft certainly saw it and knew it. That was why Lizzy was her captain.

She tried to fly off her bad humor, and Gloria, who was rather dim, even for a Greyling, invited herself along. No hint Wollstonecraft made could deter Gloria from telling Wollstonecraft all about the ball.

“—and the men lined up on one side and the women on the other— oh and there is one of the dancers, down there! On the horse.”

“Who is that?” asked Wollstonecraft, looking down. “It is not Mr. Bingley, for I saw him when I was delivering all the candles for his ball.”

Gloria swooped down for a better look and then rose back up. “That is his friend, Mr. Darcy. I heard everyone calling him Mr. Darcy at the ball yesterday.”

“He slighted my captain,” said Wollstonecraft, indignant. “He would not dance with her, and she is the finest formation flyer on the entire Penninsula!”

“I think it _is_ a mating dance after all,” said Gloria.

“That is worse!” cried Wollstonecraft. “Not wishing to mate with _my captain_! Does he not know what treasure she could offer if he did? Does he not realize there is no stronger dam on offer in Hertfordshire? And to say she was not handsome enough— oh I am so angry I could spit acid!”

And so Wollstonecraft did.

At a tree very near the road Mr. Darcy was on. The tree trunk dissolved away and the top crashed into the road.

Mr. Darcy’s horse was far stupider and much more disobedient than the ones Colonel Fitzwilliam had. The horse reared and threw Mr. Darcy off, into a mud puddle.

Gloria cocked her head to the side. “Did you intend that?”

“No,” lied Wollstonecraft, haughtily. “But if I _had,_ I rather think he deserved it.” 


	2. A coda

Derbyshire, 1813.

Darcy was at first certain there had been an earthquake when ground shook, the papers spilled off his desk, and the glass rattled in the windows-- but that was before he heard Delicium call out joyously, "Oh! Oh! It is Wollstonecraft, hallo, hallo!"

"Hello Delicium," came another draconic voice, coolly amused. "Where is your captain?"

Darcy rose from where he had been kneeling, putting his papers back in order, and called out, "Georgiana, Richard has come."

To this Georgiana eagerly assented. Darcy saw only a blur of patterned muslin though the open door of his study, before hearing a footman call out a very northern, "Heyup!" and Georgiana cry, "The door, the door!" 

Darcy hastily stacked the papers on his desk and emerged from Pemberley just in time to see Richard, in flying leathers and goggles, with some odd pack on his back, jump down from Wollstonecraft's back with more enthusiasm than elegance. Georgiana rushed at him with a shriek, and Richard caught her up in his arms, swinging her about. Darcy couldn't help but smile. He had missed Richard, and it always delighted him to see Georgiana happy. 

"Oh _do_ be careful with my captain," Delicium said anxiously, anxiously fluttering his wings.

"Of course he will be," said Wollstonecraft, managing to sound both soothing and condescending. "I can vouch for the colonel. He is a very good egg. My captain can vouch for him too."

"Aye, I can and do," called Captain Bennet. She dismounted with more elegance than Richard had, nimbly swinging herself around Wollstonecraft's neck. Wollstonecraft raised a front paw and Captain Bennet stepped into the dragon's... palm... for lack of a better word, and allowed herself to be carried down and placed neatly on the ground. She turned to Darcy and bowed. "Mr. Darcy."

"Captain Bennet." Darcy bowed and then, not entirely sure what to do decided to bow to Wollstonecraft too. "Wollstonecraft." 

The dragon examined him critically, as she removed a trunk from her belly netting and set it on the front steps. Wollstonecraft then deliberately turned her head to Delicium. Darcy was quite bewildered by this. He had not much interaction with large dragons, and did not know their methods of greeting or making reverences. Delicium always bobbed his head when greeting people, but how much of that was draconic practice and how much of that was the little dragon's enthusiastic personality was still a matter of conjecture. 

"Captain Wentworth kept meaning to write and suggest you try taking off from the water when you fly," Wollstonecraft said to Delicium. "Have you attempted it, or is the brace allowing you the proper degree of force for lift off?"

Delicium held out the leg with the brace, looking very proud. "Oh yes, it is marvelous. Mr. Darcy had it made for me, special. And if it is too tight there is a man in the village who will adjust it for me. Is it not nice?"

Wollstonecraft lowered her giant face to take a closer look.

Richard and Georgiana had been talking, but at this Georgiana broke off to help Delicium raise his leg up more, so Wollstonecraft could examine some of the finer bits of gilded metalwork. Richard bent as well, and kindly admired it. 

"Delicium seems to be doing quite well," observed Captain Bennet, pushing her goggles up into her dark hair. "Has your sister been flying him much, sir?"

"A little, but she does not go farther than five miles-- to Lambton, the nearest village. That is where Mrs. Darcy is at present."

"What a shame I missed her," said Captain Bennet.

Darcy wished Emma was here, and not just because he liked to be in Emma's company. She was so much better at saying things like, "We expected Colonel Fitzwilliam to come via carriage, not dragon, and were not expecting you as well" without being offensive. Darcy attempted a cautious, "I, er-- it is an unexpected pleasure to see you."

Captain Bennet smiled wryly at him. "I suppose I should be clearer, sir. I do not mean to trespass on your hospitality. I only really came to give Fitz a lift, so he wasn't three days in a carriage. It was only half a day's flight to Pemberley from London."

Darcy felt he had somehow erred and been inadvertently inhospitable. "You cannot mean to fly back this evening?"

"Why, yes. Wollstonecraft will need an hour's rest or so, but then we can be off--"

"I am sure Emma will insist upon your delaying your journey until tomorrow," said Darcy. "You and Wollstonecraft are most welcome."

Wollstonecraft turned to look at him, at that, with an expression of... almost suspicion on her reptillian face. " _Really_ , Mr. Darcy?"

Richard hastily came forward and clasped Darcy's hands in his own. "Darcy! It is good to see you again. Um-- I was telling Wollstonecraft of the superiority of Derbyshire cows, all the way here."

"May we offer you one?" Darcy asked automatically, glancing at Wollstonecraft. 

Wollstonecraft warred with herself and then said, "I suppose it would be rude, by human custom, to refuse."

"Yes, quite," said Richard, though he smiled. He squeezed Darcy's hands and said, "You are looking well! Though you always do at Pemberley. And Emma has you dressing better, I see."

Wollstonecraft harrumphed. "I do not think it is dressing  _well_ without any gold at all upon one's person."

"Oh yes," said Delicium, bobbing up and down. "Yes, I quite agree, but my captain says only those in the military may wear gold on their coats." 

"Well, they have earned it in battle, so it is only fair," reasoned Wollstonecraft. 

"Would you like to see my gold?" Delicium asked eagerly. "I did not win it in battle, but my captain gave me some, and I earned some helping with harvests."

Wollstonecraft regally inclined her head and rose up, to follow Delicium, as he pranced off to his pavilion at the edge of the lake. Darcy signaled to a footman to take in Richard's trunk and said, "Colonel Fitzwilliam, Captain Bennet, can we offer you some refreshment?"

"Oh yes, I ought to have offered," exclaimed Georgiana, rather ashamed. A fit of shyness overtook her, and she mumbled something indistinct, of which only the word 'tea' was audible, before fleeing into the house. 

 

Richard and Captain Bennet were talking in low voices, but stopped when Darcy looked at them. 

"By human customs it would be rude to refuse, Bennet," said Richard, in a very bad impression of Wollstonecraft.

Captain Bennet pulled off her gloves, tucked them into her belt, and gave Richard a fond, exasperated look. "I really can amuse myself walking about these woods for an hour. They are lovely." 

"But what if Georgiana has a question I cannot answer about dragon maintenance?" asked Richard. "Really Bennet, you cannot abandon me now. Not after all we've been through." Then, as she fought a smile, Richard said, in his poshest tones, "It's very unsporting of you, old bean." 

Darcy said, "My sister does have some questions about what weight Delicium claims he can carry comfortably. He is so eager to please he would agree to carry anything Georgiana asks, so--"

"Certainly, then," said Captain Bennet, relaxing. "I should be very happy to talk to Miss Darcy, while Wollstonecraft and Delicium are talking."

Darcy began to suspect Richard had purposefully asked Captain Bennet to come up with him, for as soon as Georgiana had gotten over her fit of shyness by properly serving everyone tea and cake, she began eagerly questioning Captain Bennet about dragons, and her experience with them. Darcy smiled at this, and at seeing Richard observing this scene fondly and contentedly. 

"Your plan seems to have worked," said Darcy.

"I thought Georgiana might have needed to speak with Captain Bennet in more comfort and privacy than could be found in a London drawing room," Richard acknowledged, turning to Darcy with a smile. "I wasn't sure Captain Bennet would come with me-- or rather, that Wollstonecraft would. She is very duty-bound creature and grumbled at my even going on leave to visit you."

"I suppose," said Darcy, "that draconic notions of hierarchy put those with dragons at the top and those without at the bottom."

"What do you mean?"

"She talked to Georgiana, but not to me. Indeed, she seemed to find it beneath her to accept my offer of refreshment."

Richard choked on his tea and said, unsteadily, "There is some truth in that."


End file.
